I haven't even thought to write here for so long.
I don't even write anymore.
I'm looking at the posts that I know came from me, but that isn't a person I recognize anymore.
So much has happened between then and now.....It's really hard for me to come to terms with how much it changed me.
I've lost another close friend to death just in November and it just gets more and more strange. To feel nothing most of the time. To see the same transpiring of events that happens through groups of people when someone passes away. The negativity, the love, the competition, the memories and gathering of old friends but for the wrong reasons. Again.
I think after she left and walked out the front door for good, I changed forever. A part of me knew that I had lost something real. Something I might not ever find again, and something I was so undeserving of and took for granted.
I didn't know lows like the the ones I have seen existed. I didn't know someone could be alive in such a state and still somehow be alive. I have no reason to be here still. I woke up after something I shouldn't have woken up from.
Honestly, just like this was a conversation, I don't want to write anymore about it after letting that last paragraph out.
I don't know what else to say. Nothing has seemed to work out the way we planned.
